holding back the tears

Things have changed a lot since last time I wrote...

I'm failing spanish...

My family is falling apart...

I dunno what to do...

update

Well it's been going a lot better these past couple of days. Especially today - today rocked. I got to invite two more peeps to my party, so that's going to be awesome. And also I'm probably going to a football game tomorrow night with my dad - been a long time since we've done that, just the two of us.

Tomorrow in school I've got a chemistry quiz, an astronomy test, and a spanish quiz. I think spanish will probably be hardest, although I'm starting to kinda understand what that guy is talking about. Also - I'm getting my learner's in two days! Hopefully.

crud

It's been kind of a crappy couple of days. My parents and my brother are fighting like cats and dogs now that we've kinda gotten back into the habit of schoolwork, and I screwed up with one of my friends. Not sure that she's ever going to speak to me again. I'm not exactly sorry for what I did - or didn't do, depending on how you look at - because I believe it was the right thing to do, I'm just sorry I handled the situation, you know?

However, in good news, my birthday is in four days. I'm having a sleepover and hopefully it'll be fun...although it could be a disaster - or a bore, which would be worse. I could only invite FOUR people because I also wanted to go see a movie...and now one of my friends - Heidi - says she probably won't spend the night because she's not a fan of sleepovers. That sucks, but I'm not going to bug her about it because I know what it feels like to be pressured to do something you don't wanna do. So anyone, I've been kinda wondering if I did the right thing - maybe I just should have had a sleepover. But...no. I did what I wanted, it came from heart, and that's never wrong.

That's a quote from my grandfather, by the way. Him and my dad just reunited about two months ago, and now my dad's started talking to his two brothers and his sister also, which is just awesome. I'm so happy for him. It's like just as his son is ripping apart our family, he's being reunited with the other half of his family. It's weird, cause growing up he - well, I don't wanna say he always used to badmouth him, because he rarely talked about it, but when he did, he expressed no interest in meeting his real dad. But now that it's happened, I'm just so happy for him - wait, I've already said that.

You know what's addicting? Joining fanlistings. I've been working on a new site and I've joined like a billion fanlistings already, and there will probably be a billion more by the weekend. It's madness. I wonder if there's a fanlisting for joining fanlistings. Hmmm, need to look that one up....

Me and Heidi have been coming up with several t-shirt designs. Just random, funny stuff. Maybe we should start our own t-shirt business..

untitled

I saw Avril in concent last night...it was an amazing experience. I nearly cried... I didn't, but I wanted to. The horrible chicken and the long wait were all worth it...

you know how...

sometimes you just say the dumbest things? I mean, why is that? and then you worry about it for days afterward, wondering if anybody remembers or if you're the only one.

i got a schedule change today, kinda. i'm in spanish with samantha now instead of amber. boo-hoo. and now i've got debate after school three times awake. i guess that kills any hope of a job this first semester.

bad feelings

Don't you just hate feeling jealous? It's one of the worst feelings in the whole wide world. I shouldn't feel it, I know, but I just can't help it burning inside of me sometimes. It makes me feel like shit and makes me angry and just causes way too many bad feelings. It needs to stop.

Ruined

How can you say
That i don't love you
That i don't care
When all i've done
Is show you otherwise
I give you everything
And get nothing back
I love you with all of my heart
And watch as you crush it beneath your toes
You broke me
You ruined me
I hate you
But i love you
And i wish oh i wish
That i could forget about you
The way you forgot about me